Friday, May 14, 2004

David Lynch? What's happening to me?

I've been on a David Lynch kick. I can't stop watching his movies. Over the past week I've watched Blue Velvet, Twin Peaks-Fire Walk With Me, Lost Highway, and Mulholland Drive. I'm either slightly more insane since this movie watching adventure began, or a little bit better because of it. I never thought I'd get into his films. My first two years of college were spent at a liberal-hippy-commie-artsy-school where "being into" Lynch was hip, so out of spite I only watched one of his films and didn't pay much attention. Living in the woods and having oodles of free time and no one to be cooler than has given me the opportunity to really appreciate what he does. Worth checking out!

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

The War, Iraq, Bush, etc.

Quick rant:
Though I would not describe myself as a "liberal" and in no way subscribe to the "liberal agenda" in America, I have to say that I find the current occupation of Iraq and the actions of our president to be disgraceful and thoroughy dishonest. To many, I'm just pointing out the obvious, but this is my rant so I can be as obvious as I want. More obvious facts:

-The greatest success of our president has been in making a connection between the events of 9/11 and the former Iraqi government, a connection which does not exist.

-Stemming from this lie was the lie that WMDs are in Iraq and are an imminent threat to world stability. Based on this second lie, a justification for invading Iraq was manufactured and sold to the American people.

- The American people, incidentally, have the memory capacity of a majority of Americans continue to support this war even though the two lies which provided the only justification for war have been exposed.

-Between 8 and 10 thousand innocent lives have been lost in Iraq as a result of our invasion. About 3 times as many as were lost in the 9/11 attacks. Innocent life is innocent life, no matter how you slice it. It's all valuable. So, based on two lies and a vague notion of "justice" we were sold a plan of action which resulted in more innocent bloodshed than the attack which prompted any US action. Despite this, nothing has been accomplished to bring real justice for the 3,000 victims of 9/11. Instead, we're hated even more by the world which will only result in more attacks.

-What the hell are we doing supporting the Zionists in Israel? That's half our problem, but that's obvious.

- We have become an Empire, straying far from the original concept of Republic. Get out your 10th grade history happens to all Empires?

- Following Septemeber 11th we had the support of the whole world. For the first time in decades people sympathized with the United States. Bush took that sympathy, possibly our last chance at building solid relations with the world community, and destroyed it. Within two years, we have become more hated than at any other time in history.

- We need a new president, but Kerry is nothing more than Bush"light", and a third party candidate will not be elected. Some may argue that Bush is pro-life, pro-religion, etc. These are all good things. I say this is should be a secondary consideration at this point in choosing a president. The fate of our nation is in the balance at this point. The hatred around the globe that is felt for us must be our primary concern. We've gotta fix that...quick. Besides, Bush will never push to overturn Roe V. Wade, as it would damage his career too much.

My thoughts.

Monday, April 26, 2004

Created a new layout for the site. Unfortunately, all past comments were deleted. If anyone would like to comment on a comment made yesterday, I'd be appreciative. Oh, the mystery!

Let me know what you think of the new layout. I know it's nothing spectacular, but I think it's slightly easier on the eyes.

Saturday, April 17, 2004


Lately I've been questioning the motivation behind my beliefs. I know for certain this questioning will not lead to a complete overhaul of what I know and understand to be true but, God willing, it will lead to a deeper knowledge and understanding of who I am, and what my motivations are- particularly in the "religious" sense.
The other night trying to fall asleep I found myself restless....kept awake by the idea that I'm a cheater, that I'm insincere, that my attempt at a spiritual life is being kept alive by nothing more than self-motivation and ego.
I began to ask myself - "Why do I make attempts to worship God in the Orthodox Church?"
Is it the need to feel superior to the "other half" who live without the Church. Is it a feeling of belonging which drives me? Is it a psychological need, possibly stemming from my personal experiences, which has led me to attempt feebly to approach God?Is it a desire for some kind of mystical experience which will deliver me from the monotony of day to day life? Is it the fear of death and final judgement? Do I only call on God in times of need- reducing God to a wish-giver of sorts? Is my religion a crutch?
If these things are true... then my Christianity is fake- it is a thin and cheap facade only existing to satisfy myself, not God. If this is true, then perhaps the critics of "organized religion" are correct, at least about me and my ego driven self-satisfying motivations.
My former priest used to say frequently: "We must become less, so that He may become more." Is my Christianity an emptying of the self, or is it pleasing to the self in its comforting concepts, its ritual, its talk of Church life which foster feelings of self-importance.

God preserve me from the superficial, so that I may worship in Truth and in self emptying Love.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Ah, and now something for April. A bit of T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland

April is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers.
Summer surprised us, coming over the Starnbergersee
With a shower of rain; we stopped in the colonnade
10 And went on in sunlight, into the Hofgarten,
And drank coffee, and talked for an hour.
Bin gar keine Russin, stamm' aus Litauen, echt deutsch.
And when we were children, staying at the arch-duke's,
My cousin's, he took me out on a sled,
And I was frightened. He said, Marie,
Marie, hold on tight. And down we went.
In the mountains, there you feel free.
I read, much of the night, and go south in winter.